Can You Relate?
A gaggle of eleven year old girls were gathered in our family room watching a movie for my youngest daughter's birthday.
I was in the kitchen - out of sight but available if anyone needed anything or on the off chance that there was an emergency.
I realized at one point that I hadn't seen my husband in over thirty minutes. I had absolutely no idea where he was.
Now - it's important for me to say that my husband is an amazing father, a loving and supportive husband, and an incredible partner at home.
AND, on this night, he had disappeared from this birthday party.
Why?
Because men take the liberties to do things like disappear from a kid's birthday party because they always believe that women will be there to take care of things.
It's not their fault (although it IS their responsibility to be a partner in changing it) but this is how we have all been raised. This is the impact of our patriarchal society on all of us.
I never would have dreamed of not being available for the entire party. It's part of my DNA that I am responsible for the kids in my house. I wouldn't even leave the room without letting the other adult know where I was going.
But men don't think about it that way. They just go and do what they need. Because (and this is the important part so keep reading!)
Men have never depended on taking care of others for their survival.
There was a time - not that long ago - when all women had to survive was their ability to care for others and ensure their happiness.
Women didn't have any other currency in the world.
We couldn't own land.
We couldn't vote
We couldn't have a job.
We couldn't have our own bank account, never mind a credit card.
We were not even permitted to have physical strength.
Our only currency in life was making sure that others felt cared for.
Our worth was determined by making sure other people were happy.
This, my friends, is why so many women struggle with people pleasing. People pleasing is part of our DNA because it was required for survival.
There's nothing wrong with you…
AND it's time to change our DNA for future generations.