The Lie You Keep Telling Yourself

“That’s just the way I am.”

I hear that from people all the time. That’s just the way I am.

I call bullshit.

Did you know that your brain is actually malleable into your 90’s?

Yup. You actually have the capacity to change the way you think pretty much until the day you die.

So “that’s just the way I am” is not the truth.

When I was 24, I started seeing a therapist. I was a dancer and I had all sorts of body image issues and I FINALLY hit a wall. I was exhausted. Exhausted from obsessing about my body. Exhausted from obsessing about everything I put in my mouth. I was tired of counting calories. I was tired of judging my body. I was tired of having the way I felt about my body dictate the way I felt about my entire life. I was just. plain. tired.

Every time I went to eat, I had the same negative thoughts that ran through my mind: You shouldn’t eat that. You’re gonna get fat. You’re gonna get fatter. Why can’t you control yourself? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? I would listen to those thoughts and instead of just having the Oreo, I would eat some carrots. But I wouldn’t feel satisfied. So then I would eat some almonds. Still not satisfied. I would have an apple. Obviously no longer hungry - but still unsatisfied. And on and on until I broke down and not only did I eat the Oreo, but I ate the entire bag. Then I would sit there hating myself because not only did I feel completely sick to my stomach, but I would also tell myself that I was weak and getting fatter by the Oreo. Sounds like a delightful time - doesn’t it?

The technical term for my disorder is obsessive compulsive eating. My term was just big fat failure.

I did a lot of work with my therapist to uncover what was underneath my relationship with my body and with food. (I’m sure you already know that it had very little to do with the food and a lot more to do with learned behaviors and thought patterns - many of which are societal.) She knew that in order for me to change my behavior, I needed to change the way I thought about food. So she gave me a simple mantra.

At the beginning, I would have to repeat the mantra to myself every time I thought about food and pretty much the entire time I was eating.

Eventually, I needed the mantra less and less. I got to the point where I only said it to myself when I was actually hungry and I naturally checked in with my body before I took another bite to see if I really wanted it.

The mantra required that I slow down so that I actually got conscious about what I wanted and what I was doing rather than running on automatic the way I had been for so many years.

It took me three years before the day I realized that I was just eating - whether it was a salad or a snickers. Three years later, I had changed my entire way of thinking about food, I felt good in my body (not because of what I weighed but because I was ACTUALLY CONNECTED TO MY BODY), and I dealt with my emotions without eating them. Three years later, I had completely changed my life. By shifting that ONE thought pattern, I changed my life.

So why am I telling you this story of my obsessive compulsive eating disorder? Because. This is probably how you’re showing up somewhere in your life. Think about how much energy you spend worrying about what others will think, wondering if the decision you’re about to make is the right one, holding back from expressing who you really are for fear that you’ll look stupid or be judged. That is NOT who you are. That’s how you behave. And you can change how you behave when you change your mind.

Whatever cycle or thought patterns you’ve got going, they’re changeable. It isn’t easy, but it’s simple. And it can change your life.

I can help you.