Do April Showers Really Bring Flowers?

I haven't felt so springy lately. Doesn’t help that I wore a winter coat to my daughter's lacrosse game last night.

But it’s more than that. 

Underwater.

That's the way I've felt.

I feel like I want to go back to winter - to hibernation. I keep dreaming of a day where I don’t get out of bed. I just stay there, warm under the covers, with my eyes closed. My body just seems to want nothing more than to rest, rest, rest. 

Hibernation does NOT equal spring. So I feel like I’m in the wrong season.

I've been struggling to catch my breath. I've been riddled with self-doubt - wondering how can I guide others when I can’t even guide myself?

I know - without a single ounce of uncertainty - that self-doubt is loudest when you're trying new things, stepping outside of your comfort zone (I'm getting sick of that phrase - anyone got a better one for me?) and in the midst of growth. So loud, that I barely hear the voice of wisdom that knows what I'm capable of. SO loud that I think about hitting up LinkedIn. 

Growth does not feel good.

Growing pains are literal - whether they are physical or emotional. Growth feels uncomfortable and lonely. It often feels like two steps forward, five THOUSAND steps back. 

I’ve spent the past 5 years reminding clients that change takes patience, that things take far more time than we want, expect, or allocate. 

And yet, here I am.  

Impatient. 

I feel like I should be the star of the show about the coach that helps all these bad ass rock stars uplevel their lives…but she’s an absolute mess. 

And then - just when I needed it most - today I saw a post from an old yoga teacher and it all clicked.

She wrote: Just when we think we’ve been buried, we’ve actually been planted. 

I'm not underwater. I'm not buried.

I’ve been planted.

I AM in spring after all.

I just need a little more time before I bloom.

You might too. ❤️