Getting Out of the Box

I love all the memories that pop up on my phone. Lately though, something has bothered me. I notice how often I see a picture of myself and think “Wow. I looked great back then.” And then I remember - I didn’t think I looked great then. Not at all. Doesn’t matter if I was 26 or 35 or 41. There are very few times in my life that I didn’t think I could stand to lose a few pounds. But looking back, I would kill for the body I had then…

I just turned 46. My body is changing. I weigh more. My back is wider since having babies. My hips are wider having nothing to do with having babies. I spent an exorbitant amount of time googling “do women’s hips get wider in their 40s?” (I’ll save you the time. The answer is yes – they can.) And my face has changed too – duh. I’m 46. 

I’m a pretty healthy person. I exercise. I meditate. I do yoga. I go for daily walks. I get acupuncture. I wash my face. Every. Single. Night. I drink A LOT of water. I’m an “everything in moderation” kind of gal. I eat mostly healthy, but I don’t make myself insane.

As my body has changed, I’ve grappled a lot with whether I want to make myself a little more insane to try to lose some of the weight I’ve gained as I’ve gotten older. 

I’ve decided the answer is no. 

No. I do not want to make myself insane to try to make my body look 35 again. 

And no. Thinner is not better. 

I don’t want to keep looking back and realizing how great I looked. I have wrinkles because I’m one expressive motherfucker and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I have curves and they’re sexy - even if they’re curvier than they used to be. Taking care of myself includes no longer worrying about how I can drop that last five pounds. 

We have been told by society that we should look a certain way.

First of all, skinny is not the same thing as healthy.

Second of all, I have aged because I have LIVED a full, rich, life. I’m proud of where I’ve been.

Third of all, too many of us are making ourselves crazy trying to fit into a box society tells us we should be in.

Screw that. I don’t belong in a fucking box. NONE OF US DO. 

And I’m not sharing this because I want you to tell me how great I look. We all know it doesn’t matter how many people tell you something, if you don’t feel it yourself. I’m sharing it in case there’s even ONE other person out there who looks in the mirror and sees what’s wrong but looks back on their pictures and realizes how great they looked. Who - by reading this- gives themselves permission to look in the mirror NOW and see how great they look today and love themselves the way they are.

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The Art of Compassionate Command