It’s Not About the Goal
This morning I got a text from one of my clients letting me know she needed to shift the goals she’d set for herself for this month.
Turns out she made it through to the second round for a program that she’s always wanted to get into. Also turns out that she applied and THEN DECIDED SHE WASN’T GOING TO GET IN. Soooo...she stopped doing the work she needs to do to continue the process, and now she’s got some seriously looming deadlines. Hence, the change of goals.
My first text to her was: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
My second text to her was: Ummmm, also??? WTF?!!?!?!? YOU DECIDED YOU WEREN’T GOING TO GET IN???? Where else do you do this in your life? Make a decision that something that you really want won’t happen and just decide to give up on it?
She hid the whole thing so that she didn’t have to feel like too much of a failure if it didn’t happen. She gave up on a HUGE goal of hers. In fact, when we began working together, she told me that she was going to apply every single year until she got in. AND THEN SHE DECIDED SHE WASN’T GOING TO GET IN. Thankfully this did not stop her from applying - she’s now one step closer to her goal.
So, I got curious with her about what was underneath her giving up on herself? I already knew the answer - I wanted to hear it from her.
I knew because we ALL do this - it’s why goals freak us out. WE TIE OUR SELF-WORTH INTO WHETHER OR NOT WE ACCOMPLISH OUR GOALS. She had decided that if she already knew she wasn’t going to get in, she didn’t have to feel crappy about herself.
This, my love, is freaking BULL. SHIT.
If your self-worth is tied to your achievements, you avoid taking risks, so you don’t have to feel unworthy if you fail. If you avoid taking risks, you spend your life safe and never going after the things you really want.
And here’s the scoop. The real growth? That happens in who you become when you go after the goal. Whether or not you actually achieve that particular goal is irrelevant. If you go for it - and I mean balls to the wall go for it - I promise you will grow.
So - where are you making the decision that something that you really want won’t happen? Where are you giving up on yourself before you’ve even started?