The Life Changing Magic of Becoming

When my kids were little, I kept thinking about going back to work. At the time, my background was in entertainment so that's what I was thinking about going back to. 

I would interview for a job and get through several rounds of interviews - but I never got the job. Sometimes I got feedback, sometimes I didn't. Most of the time the job went to a single guy in his late 20's as opposed to the new mom of two young kids who'd been out of the game for a few years.

And every single time, I felt both disappointment and relief. 

I don't think it was that I was a new mom up against a single guy. I think it was the part of me that was relieved that kept me from getting the job time and time again. I wasn't sure that I actually wanted it.

If I had really wanted it, I would have kept trying and I'm sure that, eventually, I would have gotten a job. 

One of the last jobs I interviewed for was a really interesting role with a smart, talented woman. I loved our meeting. And at the end, she looked at me and said, “Michelle, I really like you. I'm really interested in you for this role. And I need you to consider if you're willing to eat and breathe this - because that's what this job is. And I know what it's like to have little kids at home. You never get that time back. So think about it…and let me know.”

At the end of the day, this woman was asking me to think about my values and what was most important to me.

And when I responded to her after the weekend, I told her that five years earlier, I would have jumped at the opportunity but that it wasn't the time for me to take a job that would leave little to no time for my kids.

It was one of the hardest emails I've ever written. And it was the right choice for me. 

Because freedom is one of my top values - and the reason for my desire for freedom is my family. I don't want a job that doesn't allow me to show up for my kids. The time goes by really fast. Yesterday they were 3 and 5 - today they are 11 and 13. 

My value of freedom was at odds with my value of accomplishment. And since entertainment was the only world I'd ever known, I couldn't see a path where I could have both. 

Part of the reason was the I was looking behind at who I had been instead of looking forward to who I was becoming. 

After that last job interview, I went for a hike on Runyon Canyon. As I looked out over Los Angeles, I asked myself what was most important to me right now. 

Not for the rest of my life. In that moment. I got quiet and I waited. And guess what happened?

Nothing. Nothing came to me.

So I went back down Runyon Canyon and went to pick up my kids from pre-school.  

That afternoon, I ran into another mom and she mentioned the writing class she was taking. I felt my whole body light up and I knew the answer had come to me...

So I started taking a writing class. Once a week, for three hours, I escaped dinner and bedtime to go learn, to be creative and to have something that was all for me. I had no idea when I started that class that it would crack me open to a world of possibility that I didn't know existed.

Eventually, when I was willing to listen, the answer came. And that answer allowed me to get a step closer to who I was becoming. 

We are all becoming all of the time if we allow ourselves to get quiet and listen.