My Most Embarrassing Thanksgiving Story Ever

It was the Thanksgiving after September 11. I was SO looking forward to being with my family. It felt extra important to me that year - to be home, to be connected, to celebrate life.

Everything started out just fine. It was the perfect cold outside and the perfect warm inside. The appetizers were delicious and being with my Grammy always made me happy. I laughed with my cousins, caught up with my aunts and uncles and felt a general sense of contentment.

But when we sat down to Thanksgiving dinner, one of my cousins started giving me a hard time about something. I honestly have zero recollection of what it was - but if I had to guess, I'd bet it had something to do with my ongoing single status. That seemed to be constant fodder for conversation at every family holiday.

My cousin made a snide comment and I ignored him. Having not gotten the rise out of me that he desired, he said it louder. I shot him a look and tried to change the subject. Never one to give up, he went in again. And again. And again. It was like torture. I felt the blood rise in my cheeks and the buzzing begin in my head. My chest got tight and my breath got shallow. I tried to find the words but they were nowhere to be found…

So instead I found the next best thing…a salt shaker to dump on my cousin's head.

“What the fuck????” he yelled at me as he brushed the salt out of his hair.

A TOTALLY warranted to response to a crazy cousin pouring salt on your head at the dinner table. His “joke” hadn't been funny - but my inability to communicate and take care of myself in the situation had turned ME into the asshole.

This was a CLASSIC case of reacting instead of responding…

So, why am I telling you this mortifying story where I behaved like a six year old instead of a 26 year old?

Because this week begins the holiday madness and I hope this cautionary tale will help remind you that there are tools to help:

1. BOUNDARIES.

Nedra Tawwab (one of my favorite experts on boundaries) defines boundaries as “something that keeps you safe and comfortable in your relationships.” So as we go into the holidays, take some time to think about what that looks like for you.

2. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.

Mine gave me ALL sorts of signals. It was screaming “ALERT! ALERT!” but I didn't listen. I let it all come flooding out.

If you feel your body giving you signals - sudden tightness or clenching (in your chest, your shoulders, your jaw), shallowness of breath, quickening of the heart rate - your body is giving you a sign.

The sign is to SLOW. THE FUCK. DOWN. Pay attention to your body. It's telling you something so LISTEN.

If you can't do that in the current environment, leave. Leave the room, go for a walk, excuse yourself to the bathroom. Whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, do it.

3. BREATHE.

This is key. A few of my favorite techniques:

If your breath is shallow, breathe in for 4, hold it for 4 and exhale for 8. This will help you to regulate your nervous system and slow your breath down.

Another option is to focus on the physical act of breathing - focus on the inhale, focus on the exhale. Focus on what the air feels like as it enters your body and as it exits your body. Focus on the temperature of the air as it goes in your nose and out of your nose. Focus on the feeling of the breath in your chest and your belly. If your mind wanders (which it will), as soon as you notice, just bring it back to focus on the feeling of the breath in the body. This will take your brain out of fight or flight and move it into your creative, compassionate, wiser self.

4. USE YOUR WORDS

Once you've regulated, if you feel like it's important to you, communicate. Don't just “let it go” unless you're REALLY gonna let it go. Otherwise, you'll shove it down and store it away until you end up dumping a salt shaker on someone's head. Trust me. I know.

Speak your truth. Do it in a way you will feel good about later. Regardless of whether or not they respond well, you want to feel that you communicated in a way that's aligned with your values and who you want to be in the world. (also read - DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I DID!)

Lastly, I'm super grateful that you're a part of my world. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving - however you spend it.

What does leadership mean to you?

I always thought I would have the “corner office” (by 30, no less) - but in every job I worked in, I kept myself small.

I KNEW there was something bigger in me and I couldn't understand why I squashed it, why I didn't believe in it.

So I surrounded myself with women that were high-powered & CRUSHING it. Corporate lawyers, Broadway actresses, MBA's.

I looked at all of them like they had “it”...and I didn't think I did.

So I took on the role of sidekick…cute, little me next to high powered, fabulous them.

High powered sometimes meant in work, sometimes social circles, sometimes it was simply in their attitude - but they had something I didn't believe I had in me so it just felt good to be around it.

But something changed in me when I became a mom.

I started to trust my intuition.

I wasn't afraid to ask for help - but I also knew when I had the answers that I needed.

I stopped asking for validation from everyone I knew.

I accepted that motherhood would be one big series of mistakes… but that didn't make me a failure.

I let things get messy…

I started trusting myself to…well…LEAD these little people.

This is one of the reasons I speak so much about parenting as leadership.

I learned that it wasn't weak to need support. I learned that not having all the answers myself didn't make me less than. I learned to have compassion for myself - because everything I was doing was being watched by my daughters.

I stopped saying disparaging things about myself out loud (and slowly stopped saying them in my head).

I learned the value of letting myself have a FULL range of emotions and giving myself the space to work them out without being reactive to my kids. (I mean - let's be honest…that happened about ⅓ of the time…the other ⅔ I learned how to model saying I'm sorry and taking responsibility…) because the other thing I learned is that I'm fucking human and no matter how good I am at something, I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS make mistakes along the way.

All of these are imperative to what I believe makes a good leader:

💥compassion
💥the willingness to try new things and make mistakes
💥the ability to both trust your intuition and know when to ask for help
💥taking responsibility for your impact on others
💥acknowledging where your intentions and impact don't match up
💥allowing yourself to feel a full range of emotions without being reactive
💥making the harder but more fulfilling choices that allow you to live into your values
💥and stepping out of the sidekick role and directly into my own spotlight.

Motherhood is where I started to understand the Art of Compassionate Command.

Leadership is not about your title or a position that you hold.

It's about how you show up in the world and in all aspects of your life.

Tap Your Stress Away

A few months ago, I had a particularly frustrating day.

My entire family had woken up late while I was at the gym so I came home to a cluster fuck before school. I'm sure we can all agree this is NEVER a good way to start a day.

I had a meeting out of my house (very rare for this coach) and the traffic on the way home was INSANE. So insane that I was going to miss my upcoming zoom. I hate being late and rescheduling last minute. Valuing other people's time is important to me - so I get really cranky when my poor planning leaves me inconveniencing others.

I sat on the highway, going at snail's pace, tearing through my glove compartment and my center console for the spare package of almonds that I was sure had to be somewhere for emergencies just like these. My almonds were nowhere to be found.

Be glad you weren't in my car with me. It wasn't a pretty scene. I was stupidly stressed with no where to go and the inability to do something I discuss with my clients all the time: complete the stress cycle.

We all find different ways to complete the stress cycle - most of them involve exercise of some sort…moving the energy through your body, giving your nervous system an outlet. My personal favorite choices are boxing (hitting something feels GREAT), yoga, and having a killer dance party.

Failing to complete the stress cycle is a one way ticket to burnout.

But what if you don't have time for a hard core workout? What if your office has windows and a dance party isn't an option? What if you're stuck in a car with no almonds and you're running late??????

Enter my friend, Jacqui Acree, EFT Tapping Coaching.

The call that I had to reschedule was actually a tapping trial with Jacqui. By some act of G-d, she had an opening later that afternoon and we got on a zoom. If you've been paying any attention, you know I arrived to that zoom stressed. But after 30 minutes with Jacqui, my stress was way down and I was HOOKED.

Tapping is super easy to integrate into your life and you can do it anywhere (even stuck in traffic in the middle of a highway) - a GREAT option for completing that stress cycle and regulating your nervous system.

It's a perfect way to start your day and Jacqui makes it even easier with her 10 minute guided tapping session to start the day calm, clear and grounded. You'll go from stressed and overwhelmed to more calm, confident and creative. You'll have access to more perspective. And you'll get intentional about how to start your day.

If you want to be more well prepared than I was next time you're running late and stuck in traffic (or you're in need of a good dance party but your walls are glass) grab your free 10 minute guided session with Jacqui now!

What Irritates Me About Gratitude

You know what pisses me off?

When people say, "Just be grateful for what you have.”

You can be full of gratitude and STILL have desire! The two are not mutually exclusive and yet we live in this world where, if we express a desire for something, we're met with the annoying “Be grateful for what you have.”

The two are NOT mutually exclusive. You are allowed to desire…Your desires are important.

Gratitude does not negate longing.

Longing does not negate gratitude.

What's important to us shifts as we go through different phases in our lives. You're allowed to want new things, to make changes, to ask for more.

What's it like when you give yourself permission to desire?

Your Closet, Your Life…

A few years ago, Marie Kondo swept the world. Everyone was clearing out their closets and their drawers to see what “sparked joy”. Marie Kondo represents cleaning at its finest.

But when was the last time you Marie Kondo'd your life?

When was the last time you asked yourself what's working and what's not?

When was the last time you asked yourself if the work you do, the people you surround yourself with, the ways you spend your time are...( you know what's coming...) SPARKING JOY!?

Because here's the thing…

If your life isn't sparking joy, chances are it won't matter if your closet does.

Write down what makes you happy.

Write down what you're doing every day.

Compare those lists.

Get rid of the things that don't spark freaking joy.

Sound idealistic? OK - BUT... what if it's actually possible?

Reframe your life with the idea of sparking joy. It's as simple as that. (I didn't say easy. Simple and easy are not the same.)

Ask yourself - are you surviving? Or are you actually living?

You have one life. You deserve to have it spark joy.

Jolly Ranchers & Forgiveness

Last Wednesday was the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. It is the most important day of the year in Judaism. We reflect on our past year - to ask for forgiveness from those we may have hurt and we forgive those who may have hurt us. It's also a time to reflect on all the things we have to be grateful for and the fragility of life.

As a kid, it was a day that irritated me. The adults were hangry (as part of the tradition of Yom Kippur is to fast) and I was bored out of my mind in the long services. I understood the meaning of the day and maybe I thought about the way I'd spoken to my mother the day before, or how I felt sorry that I was mean to my sister. But then I just went back to being bored and annoyed that my grandmother couldn't give me a jolly rancher because everyone around me was fasting. I would ask my Grammy to tickle my arm, the Rabbi would give their sermon and all I heard was the sound of Charlie Brown's teacher's voice, “Mwah mamwah mwah mwah….”

As an adult, it's a day I've grown to love.

It's rare in our busy lives to take significant time to reflect. It's something I would like to do more often.

On Wednesday, as I listened to the lull of the cantor's beautiful voice, I thought about the ways that I had been less than my best self this past year.

I hurt someone I care about. I was judgmental, controlling and impatient - to name a few. At times I was lazy. Curt. Dismissive.

And it occurred to me that really, the person I needed to ask for forgiveness…was myself. The person that needed to let go of my past mistakes…was me. The person who could release me from my shame, my guilt, my poor behavior - the ONLY person who could do that…was me.

It's hard to let go of the things I know I've done wrong. It's especially hard when I realize that sometimes I'm just repeating the same patterns, making the same mistakes over and over again. I feel inadequate, embarrassed. I spend a fair amount of time beating myself up.

What I am…is human.

There's a difference between recognizing your faults and mistakes and acknowledging the desire to grow and change and the harsh judgment that so many of us practice with ourselves in a way we would never engage with anyone else.

So I'm sharing this practice of self-forgiveness in case it's time for you to forgive yourself - for the things you aren't proud of and wish you'd done differently and for the times you have been unkind to yourself.

Self-compassion is a necessary step on the path of leadership - as a member of a community, as a CEO, as a parent. The way that we speak to ourselves shows up in the way we relate to others all the time.

When we remember that we are all human beings with human emotions and human faults, it's easier to release judgement and find compassion.

Choose kindness - with others, but just as importantly, with yourself.

This One’s For My Ladies 35 & Over

The conversation I've been having more than any other with my girlfriends lately is about the mysterious perimenopause.

Did you know that perimenopause symptoms can start as early as age 35? (I didn't!)

And most women have no idea what to look for! (I didn't!)

Here's the truth:

Midlife can be a wake up call about health for most women.

Feeling burnt out and exhausted is common.

Changing hormones can mean changing bodies.

It's totally normal for bodies to change but that doesn't make it any easier on us - physically or emotionally.

Ladies, perimenopause is basically a second puberty.

But when you were raised in the diet culture of the 1990's filled with Weight Watchers, low fat Snackwell's chocolate fudge cookies and 100 calorie snack packs, it can feel completely overwhelming to know what the hell to do next.

That's exactly why I want to introduce you to my friend and fellow coach, Kate Williams Stone, who specializes in helping women master their relationship with food, body and hormones so they can thrive in perimenopause and beyond.

What if you could:

• Feel at peace with food, body and your hormones

• Stop tracking every freaking bite, calorie or macro

• Feel empowered talking about perimenopause with your doctor

• Master the the simple health habits to support this hormonal transition

Sounds pretty great to me…

Kate has a terrific free guide that includes recipes and quiz to help you determine if you're experiencing perimenopause. She's full of a TON of wisdom.

GET THE GUIDE HERE!

Here's to thriving in ALL areas of your life!

The Personal Development Word That Drives Me Crazy

I don't know about you, but the word “transformation” makes me think of Cinderella's fairy godmother waving her magic wand and turning her from a maid into a glamorous woman dressed for a ball.

It does NOT make me think of changing myself or my life.

It's too DRAMATIC. Cue the drum roll. The movie scene where someone walks in and all heads turn to see the new them. They look like a totally different person AND miraculously, they've completely evolved and changed internally as well!

It's all just a bag of bullshit.

Change doesn't happen fast. It's slow. Sometimes painstakingly so.

That's why it's so damn hard.

Change requires you to trust that if you keep going, if you keep showing up for yourself over and over again, things will start to shift.

A lot of people stop.

But those that commit to the sometimes tedious process of shifting daily habits - both internally and externally - reap the rewards of a life that is

anything but tedious.

Slow down. Rest. But don't stop.

What I Have In Common with Guns N’ Roses

I'm stuck.

My mind feels like a big empty pool of nothing ever since I got back from my vacation.

This was the first vacation in over a year where I turned on my Out of Office and I left my computer at home. I didn't read any personal development books. I didn't listen to any podcasts.

I just let my mind turn off. It was DIVINE.

The problem is…I'm having trouble turning it back on.

My theme for the year has become patience. I don't know if I even chose a word of the year in January or not…if I did, I don't have a CLUE what it was. (Which is why I think I decided not to do it this year…because August comes and I can't even remember what the hell my word WAS!!!)

But right now, the only word I need on a daily basis is patience. Because I have learned that I have NONE.

So after two+ hours today of sitting in front of my computer and trying to squeeze some semblance of wisdom out of my lackadaisical brain, I've decided that, instead of trying to strong-arm something, I'm going to be patient.

And, hey - what if stuck is exactly where I need to be right now?

Are you feeling stuck? What would happen if you let yourself stay in the stuck for a minute?

Wanna experiment with me?

Saved from the Insanity of September…

My kids FINALLY went back to school yesterday and I don't know about you, but I am definitely experiencing the Summer-Is-Over-Back-To-The-Grind energy - HARDCORE.

I have a huge to-do list and there's a general sense of “It's the fall and everything is happening NOW!” But I also always feel a sense of starting over in September - I think the combination of the Jewish New Year and back to school always leave me with that same feeling I get around January 1st.

Because this is SUCH an insanely busy time of year, I'm working hard to remind myself of what I leaned into over the summer and SLOOOOOOOW DOWN.

If you're feeling pulled in a million directions with no time for yourself, my friend and colleague Malika Amandi has created an amazing guided meditation to help you…

• create a nurturing space for yourself to rest and recalibrate in just ten minutes

• slow down and listen to your intuition so you can get clear about what you really want

• identify the energy drains in your life and get intentional about moving towards what lights you up

• prioritize your peace and sense of self, no matter what kind of day you're having

It's been sooooo helpful to me to take a few minutes a day and get intentional. If you're ready to quiet the noise, put your to-do list down, and be present with yourself, get the free guided reflection here.

The Theme of the Week is…

Short and sweet this week. Often my coaching sessions have themes in a week. It's just coincidence but I love when it happens. This week it was black and white thinking.

There are so many levels between black and white, all the way left and all the way right.

All or nothing thinking doesn't leave much room for creativity, curiosity, or complexity.

So when you catch yourself thinking:

• you're completely right and someone else is completely wrong…

• your dream is possible or it absolutely isn't…

• this is the only way that it will work or else it won't work at all…

Ask yourself - is that the truth? The ABSOLUTE truth?

9.9 out of 10 times the answer is no.

It might be YOUR truth. But your truth and THE truth are two different things. Be willing to question your own truth and see what shifts.

Beware Of Your Brain!

This morning I woke up, took the dog for a hike, dropped my older daughter at a friend’s house, unpacked the camp duffels that arrived while I was on aforementioned hike, and started washing all the filthy stuff that came home from camp.

After dragging the empty camp duffels into the art room in the basement, I parked my tush on the futon and opened instagram. I mindlessly scrolled for a minute - maybe ten…who really knows how long but the camp bedding in the washing machine was still on the wash part of the cycle - so it couldn’t have been THAT long…Anyhow, I looked at the top of my screen which said 10:20 AM and my brain said, “It’s 10:20 and you have gotten absolutely NOTHING done yet today!”

I was so irritated with myself and ready to really beat myself up.

And then, I paused for a minute.

It was true that I hadn’t yet done any work for my business yet that day - but it was NOT true that I hadn’t gotten anything done. In fact, I had gotten A LOT done before 10:30 in the morning!

I’m so glad that I didn’t just automatically listen to the lies of my bitchy little brain.

If I listened to her, I would spend half my life beating myself up without looking at the whole picture.

Your brain is not a reliable source of information.

So before you go around listening to it’s lies, stop and ask yourself:

Is that really the truth? Or is it a spin that my brain is putting on the truth?

And hey, next time you think to yourself, “I got NOTHING done today!” maybe go through and think about what you actually DID do.

My guess? It's a lot more than you’re giving yourself credit for.

Are You Making Time For Play?

Last September I signed up for a modern dance class.

I hadn’t taken a dance class in almost twenty years but I figured “What do I have to lose? I bet I can’t really move twenty years later but it will be fun to try.”

I had no idea how impactful going back to dance class would be.

Giving myself that creative space that was just for me - it lit a fire in me.

It got me thinking - why, after dancing and singing and performing for SO many years of my life, had I completely abandoned that part of me simply because I had decided not to do it professionally?

This summer, while my dance class is on hiatus, I’m taking a writing class. Not because I intend to publish a book or write a movie…just because. Because being in a community of creative people gives me joy and energy and more creativity. Having that space that’s just for me - it’s like Vitamin C. If it’s missing, I can feel it big time.

What’s the thing you once loved that you stopped doing? Why did you stop? Just because you’re older now? Because you can’t find the time? Because it feels “frivolous”?

Well here’s your permission to indulge…

Honoring play and creativity is so important that Dr. Stuart Brown, the author of “Play”, says when we stop playing, we start dying.

Play has been proven to release endorphins, stimulate creativity, improve brain functionality and improve your memory.

So finger paint. Roll around on the ground with your dog. Get out a board game. Put together a game of pickup basketball. Take out a coloring book. Go try out a trapeze or a circus class. Build with Legos. Take a hip hop class. Experiment in the kitchen.

Let yourself do something just because you love it.

The world doesn't prioritize the importance of doing things just for our joy. But I call bullshit. Take it upon yourself to explore and get messy and creative and to discover… I promise you, the benefits will show up in everything you do.

5 Lessons From Tennis

A few years ago, shortly before March 2020, I started taking tennis lessons. Little did I know that, in addition to learning a new game (and a humbling reminder of how to be a beginner), I’d take away some terrific life lessons as well.

LESSON #1: BE A CREATIVE PLAYER - NOT A REACTIVE PLAYER

In tennis, this is about building the confidence to take control and create your shot rather than constantly reacting and chasing. It’s being on the offense rather than defense. I never got out of the“just don’t miss the ball and hit it over the net into the blue” phase of tennis - but this concept of creating your game rather than reacting made so much sense to me.

Think about your life - are you winning on your terms or are you just playing not to lose? Which one sounds better? Get creative. Start thinking about what it would look like to win on your terms.

LESSON #2: KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL UNTIL IT HITS THE STRINGS

In tennis, keep your eye on the ball.

In life, keep your eye on the goal.

LESSON #3: BREATHE

I held my breath for the entire first half of our first lesson. Even when my coach told me to breathe, I still held my breath.

It wasn’t until he equated it with breathing out like in boxing that I got the idea…and as soon as I started to breathe, I started hitting the ball. My game improved significantly.

In life, when I remember to breathe, my game improves significantly. Duh.

LESSON #4: MUSCLE MEMORY TAKES A WHILE TO CORRECT - BE PATIENT

I haven’t played a whole lot of tennis in my life. At summer camp when I was 12, and at a tennis clinic during my kids’ spring break a few months before I started taking lessons. That tennis clinic taught me how to do my forehand allllll wrong. So, when I started lessons, no matter what I thought I was telling my body to do, I kept going back to the old habit of breaking my wrist on the swing. I think I probably set the record for most balls hit over the fence in a single hour.

My coach reminded me that old habits die hard. It would take a while. He made me hit what felt like a million times each lesson. We went over the stroke again and again and again. My wrist was killing me, and I knew I was doing it all wrong…it was frustrating as hell. BUT. right before COVID hit, my body started to listen to what my mind was telling it. Not on every swing, but on some. It was a start…the patience and practice was paying off.

Your brain is a muscle also. Your neural pathways are like a roadway of nerve cells that deliver messages to your brain. Travel a road enough times and a mental habit is formed. In other words, the thoughts you’ve been telling yourself over and over and over again die hard. It takes a lot of consciousness and repetition to form new thought patterns, to start to think in different ways that will serve your life better.

Be patient. Practice. Be consistent. It will pay off.

LESSON #5: YOU CAN ALWAYS START SOMETHING NEW -– NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE.

Self explanatory.

So tell me - where are you playing to win in your life? Where do you want to do it more? And what’s the new muscle memory you’re looking to strengthen?

This Blog Brought To You By Covid

Every summer, when my kids go away to camp, I have visions of productivity grandeur. Without kids to drive and schedules to coordinate and family dinners to cook, I think that I will accomplish more in those seven weeks than I get done the rest of the year…

And every single summer, the universe manages to send me some sort of reminder to stop being all about productivity and SLOW. THE F*CK. DOWN.

This year was no different.

Except maybe the universe got a little annoyed that after all my training and everything I work on with my clients, I still needed a reminder.

So it sent me a blaring order to STOP by giving me COVID a week after we dropped the kids off.

I didn’t have the kind of COVID where I slept non-stop. I had the kind of COVID where I couldn’t really sleep. So I binge watched some TV, read a couple of books, stared at walls and eventually, I decided if I wasn’t sleeping, I could get some work done.

What do you think happened every time I attempted to do work?

I FELL ASLEEP.

On day 6, I finally surrendered to the fact that, for the time being, I was not going to be able to do anything but speak to a few clients a day, after which, I would need a nap. Or to just lie on a couch and stare at a ceiling.

And then a crazy thing happened.

When I filled out my bi-weekly traction report for my business coach, I realized I had accomplished every single thing we had discussed - and then some!

Without the hustle. WITH a lot of naps.

DOING LESS MADE ME MORE PRODUCTIVE.

Why? Because slowing down is imperative to thinking more creatively and consciously. Staring at the ceiling (rather than my phone) allowed me to reset.

Without fail, slowing down always gets me there faster.

Part of what I work on with my clients is creating a life by their design -– and for many people today, that means pushing back against the “busy is better” attitude of our current culture.

But I forgot. My drive to grow my business was drowning out the wiser part of me that knows that I need rest and space to grow.

Sometimes you need a reminder to walk your walk. And by you, I mean me. 🤦🏻‍♀️

So…I dare you to slow down for a day, my friend. Not while you’re on vacation. Not because you get COVID. Right now. While you’re in your everyday insane life.

✅Go for a walk without your phone and let yourself be in nature.

✅Do something that’s fun and creative. PLAY!

✅Read a book in the middle of the day.

✅Eat lunch outside without your computer or your phone.

✅Lie on your couch and listen to music (without looking at your phone!)

✅Set a timer for 25 minutes to do deep focused work and then take a 5 minute break (one more time for those in the back) WITHOUT. YOUR. PHONE.

Pick one to try to and see what happens. Make it a science experiment. Make it fun!

I Dare You…

It was a cloudy day in March and we were in a Cosi in midtown Manhattan eating lunch. Everyone else dug into their sandwiches but I just stared at mine, trying to figure out how to give my parents the news.

My stomach churned with anxiety as I watched the balsamic vinegar slowly seep through the bread of my tomato, mozzarella, basil sandwich.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” my mom asked.

My brain went fuzzy, my palms were sweaty, my breath was shallow.

“I DON’T WANT TO ACT ANYMORE!” I blurted out across the table.

Yes - that was the thing I was practically having a panic attack about. Not that I was pregnant. Not that I was addicted to drugs or that I was declaring emancipation from them.

I was terrified of telling my parents that I no longer wanted to be an actress.

Why? Because I felt completely and totally ashamed that I was quitting acting before I was a “success”.

I hadn’t been in a Broadway show. I hadn’t been in a commercial or on TV. I hadn’t even been in a national tour.

But in reality, I had made this decision in a very intentional way.

I was at a callback for the National Tour of “Annie Get Your Gun”, when something snapped. I knew I didn’t want to cartwheel across the stage for eight shows a week and I sure as hell didn’t want to move out of NYC to do it.

What I did want was to work with artists to create inspiring theater for a new generation. And once I made that decision, I. Was. Done.

But I wasn’t so sure anyone else would see it that way. I was sure that people would think I was “giving up” or that I “just didn’t have what it takes”. I was pretty sure that the world would see me as a failure.

Why am I telling you this story?

Most of my clients are “successful” by a definition that they created for themselves years ago. But that definition is no longer fulfilling to them. They join the throngs of successful people walking around wondering why they feel so empty.

So we start to dig in order to discover:

What does a successful life look like to you NOW?

Success isn’t one-size-fits all. Success is not stagnant. And your idea of success may be very different than your friends ideas of success or your parents idea of success.

When was the last time YOU sat down and really thought about what a successful life looks like to you? (And by life I mean ALL the things: relationships, health, finances, and yes, of course, career).

How about your DESIRES? What do you really want?

And what happens when you let your desires dance with your definition of success?

Might be time to do some exploring….

I dare you to go do it now!

Can You Relate?

I think the idea of balance is bullshit. 

Women are expected to “have it all.” 

👉🏻Be a rock star in the workplace 

👉🏻Be superwoman at home 

👉🏻Be a great and present mom

👉🏻Take good care of ourselves

…and at some point, we have to sleep! 

I mean seriously…there aren't enough hours in the day. 

I had a therapist who used to say to me, “You CAN have it all – just not at the same time.” 

Yup. 

And the messaging that we should have it all at the same time? Outdated garbage that leaves women constantly feeling inadequate. 

Now - the idea of designing a life you want? I absolutely believe that’s possible. But it takes intention, work and a village. It takes owning that you can’t do it alone. When people ask me why I have a coach, I always laugh because first I say, “Which one?!?” I have a variety of coaches that help me in different areas of my life. Each one has been invaluable and I’m so grateful for them. 

Who's supporting you in creating a life you love?

If A Tree Falls

This morning I forgot my Fitbit. 

It was almost dead so I charged it when I woke up. I only realized when I was halfway to my gym that it wasn’t on my wrist. I actually considered turning around to get it even though it meant I would be late to my class. 

I decided that was ridiculous but I was so annoyed and it wasn’t easy for me to shake the fact that my workout wouldn’t be “counted". 

I continued to drive having a discussion with myself in my head:

“Michelle, you do NOT need a piece of plastic with a mini-computer counting your steps, your heart rate and your calories in order for your workout to ‘count’.” 

Truth? I needed to say this to myself more than once before I let it go. 

It got me thinking of all the times in my life that something hasn’t counted for me until I’ve gotten external validation. 

The gold star, the A, the Fitbit buzzing to tell me I’ve hit my steps...

It’s all the same message: Unless someone else validates you and tells you that it was good, was it really?

We’ve been trained to seek external validation our entire lives.

I went to class sans Fitbit and here’s what happened:

I did extra reps, I dripped sweat, I pushed myself. And at the end of class, I felt AMAZING. 

It’s possible I pushed myself even harder than normal - but it didn’t really matter that I didn’t have the stats to prove it because instead, I got such a good reminder.

My body tells me everything I need to know. My body told me that I had a great workout. If I looked at the Fitbit, and it told me that I hadn't gotten my heart rate as high, that would have just been DUMB because I FELT FREAKING GREAT. 

How often does your body give you signals that you ignore? How often do you disregard your instincts? How often do you think something's awesome and then let something outside of yourself convince you otherwise? 

Our bodies have so much wisdom. It’s time for us to start going inward for the answers - to stop looking to the outside world to tell us how things should be.

I Wish There Were A Pill For That

It’s mental health awareness month and it’s time to make talking about our mental health the norm. 

In 2014, after a week of panic attacks over a contract negotiation (it was about SO much more than the contract negotiations. duh.), I asked my doctor for a prescription to have on hand for the rare occasion that I had that kind of anxiety. You know what she said?

She said no.

OMG - I was SO pissed. 

Wanna know why she said no?

She explained that panic attacks were a function of constant underlying anxiety which was a chemical imbalance. A pill I took in the midst of one of those episodes was a band-aid, not a solution. She said she’d be happy to talk to me about medication that would treat that underlying anxiety but she just didn’t believe in the “band-aid”.

She said no because she had my back. 

Her answer made me so angry - I had been in therapy working on my anxiety for years. But when I calmed down and got honest with myself, I knew that she was right. My anxiety was better - but I was still an anxious person. My mind ran on overdrive all the time and all the yoga in the world couldn’t stop it. I cried for a long time because I felt like a failure - I had worked so hard and so long to “fix” this part of myself. But it wasn’t something that I could fix by myself. I picked up the phone and told my doctor I wanted to give it a try. 

I’ve been on Lexapro for 7 1/2 years and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself.

I know now that asking for help and finding a solution that would make my life easier was pretty much the opposite of failure.

I was worried I would be a different person. (I’m not.)

I was worried about all the side effects. (The side effects of chronic anxiety were wreaking WAY more havoc on my life and my relationships.)

I was worried there was something wrong with me for needing medication to treat something in my brain. THERE WASN’T.

Anxiety is a chemical imbalance. lf you have asthma or diabetes, you take medication to help you feel better and help your body function more effectively. You don’t think twice about it. Taking care of your mental health is NO different. 

P.S  Reminder that I'm not a doctor and this is my personal experience with Lexapro.

Do April Showers Really Bring Flowers?

I haven't felt so springy lately. Doesn’t help that I wore a winter coat to my daughter's lacrosse game last night.

But it’s more than that. 

Underwater.

That's the way I've felt.

I feel like I want to go back to winter - to hibernation. I keep dreaming of a day where I don’t get out of bed. I just stay there, warm under the covers, with my eyes closed. My body just seems to want nothing more than to rest, rest, rest. 

Hibernation does NOT equal spring. So I feel like I’m in the wrong season.

I've been struggling to catch my breath. I've been riddled with self-doubt - wondering how can I guide others when I can’t even guide myself?

I know - without a single ounce of uncertainty - that self-doubt is loudest when you're trying new things, stepping outside of your comfort zone (I'm getting sick of that phrase - anyone got a better one for me?) and in the midst of growth. So loud, that I barely hear the voice of wisdom that knows what I'm capable of. SO loud that I think about hitting up LinkedIn. 

Growth does not feel good.

Growing pains are literal - whether they are physical or emotional. Growth feels uncomfortable and lonely. It often feels like two steps forward, five THOUSAND steps back. 

I’ve spent the past 5 years reminding clients that change takes patience, that things take far more time than we want, expect, or allocate. 

And yet, here I am.  

Impatient. 

I feel like I should be the star of the show about the coach that helps all these bad ass rock stars uplevel their lives…but she’s an absolute mess. 

And then - just when I needed it most - today I saw a post from an old yoga teacher and it all clicked.

She wrote: Just when we think we’ve been buried, we’ve actually been planted. 

I'm not underwater. I'm not buried.

I’ve been planted.

I AM in spring after all.

I just need a little more time before I bloom.

You might too. ❤️